The Newsletter about LOVE

Hey loves!

Of course today I woke up with love on my mind but more so the need to share what I’ve learned about it. Valentines day is typically geared towards the idea of celebrating your love for another person, which also means that there are probably a lot of people who are sad today because they don’t have that someone. Trust me i get it! As for me, the only real love I had passed away, and the last Valentines day we spent together ended in a nasty argument and breakup. So the past 5 valentines for me have been upsetting to say the absolute least, but this year is different THANK YOU GOD. This is one of those gratifying moments where I’m able to see how far I've come in my growth journey and am able to view love in a different, more true light. Let me say first, LOVE IS the greatest feeling on and beyond Earth. The love for God, my son, myself, and life itself has made a beautiful transformation in me. Biblically it is the most important thing to have, and you don’t have to be in a relationship or married to feel it. I was once in a dark space where I lacked love… and now operating from a place of love has made me understand things that once made no sense. Love made me see how every event in my life good, bad, and worse happened exactly the way they did to bring me here.

Grief and dealing with the death of my sons father has really opened up new level on my perspective of love. We met when I was 20 and being in a relationship with him for most of my 20s, we rode ALL waves of love. Sometimes it hurt, sometimes it was hard, but overall it was the most genuine and unconditional love, so much that I write this in tears because I have been so blessed to have experienced this type of love between another person. I had experienced death of close ones before, but this particular loss hit home and changed the entire trajectory of my life. The initial shock and pain was so bad that it was physical, like nothing I’ve ever felt or could imagine. I wish i could see my google search history during that time, it was a time where everything in life posed a question and it was the closest thing to finding answers. I googled all types of things from “Stages of grief”, to “where does your soul go immediately after death”, “can you die of a broken heart”, “are dead loved ones really with you?”… and literally everything far and in between. Being with someone so long from my young adulthood to later 20s (especially with a man that was older) a lot of my identity at the time was influenced by him. So when he died, it literally was like a piece of me, the parts influenced by him died too. The quote I came across to most closely describe the feeling, even more than bible verses, was “Grief feels like love with no place to go”. When I first read that, it resonated so much with what I was feeling. With him gone off this Earth forever, every single argument, disagreement, flaw about him didn’t matter at all anymore. The love he showed was so intense that sometimes it was misunderstood by others and myself, and it took much reflecting for me to realize that maybe his earthly flesh was incapable of expressing love in the correct way at times and that he was operating at the highest level he could perform at. The main thing that stands out in my mind about him when I think of him is “he loved me, his kids, and his family so much”. He has made it known to me that when i see the word “LOVE” profoundly, its an angel sign from him and a reminder that his energy is still here and very much alive. His love stays with me and my son and its crazy that sometimes I feel it stronger than when he was alive. When I get this feeling I think, this is what he had been trying to show me the times I had misunderstood him. I truly believe this was written so that he could operate in his highest form for me, his kids, and everyone else he loved and supported. Love is an energy, and this experience has showed me that energy never dies, it just transfers. LIFECHANGING because this realization has taught me to honor this form of love, A love so pure it can even withstand death. And to also love and extend grace to others past their flaws because just because we may disagree we are all in the flesh, operating in the best way we know how to in that moment.

In addition, the healing process has taught me to love myself. The level of brokeness I felt made it no choice but to prioritize healing. For my son, for his future and wellbeing, and for mine. I always had a deep knowing within that I was anointed for something big and that God was going to use me and my voice to help others. When this tragedy in my life occurred one thing I knew for certain was that I had to heal properly for the sake of that knowing. As I said before, a part of my identity died with my sons dad, so those parts of me had to be reborn. But this time it had to be the true me, with no outside influence. This took alot of alone time, and is one of the reasons I was thankful for the quarantine we had during covid. When we were on lockdown I had nothing to do except sit with my grief, look myself in the mirror, and heal from the inside. I didn’t know who this new person in the mirror was for a while, but I was determined to get to know her. My true likes and dislikes, more understanding about grief, the process of life, and my inner being started to uncover during this time. I learned and transformed so much. It is true that the more time you spend within yourself, you are able to work on the inside, realize your own value, and take less shit. In order to operate from a place of love I had to learn to love myself first, which required addressing the ugliest parts about me. I always reminded myself, if it doesn’t exemplify love or positivity then its not of God and knowing that helps me to discern whats for me and what isnt. Learning to give grace to myself and embrace the deepest parts of me has helped me beyond words.

Learning to be, and love my truest self has been quite the journey, but thats what life is all about. And just by paying attention to the foundation of ME has made the quality of life and its experiences so much more meaningful. My story is crazy and sometimes i can’t believe im living in it, but its MY STORY. Dissecting the waves of emotion connected to grief and loss, reflecting on my life before that and seeing how things resulted from my decisions, and recognizing it was all for a reasoning and prepared me for what came, to prepare for whats to come is the beauty of life that I’ve come to realize. It has made me appreciate and LOVE life so much. No matter the storm, i cherish the opportunities to learn and breakthroughs to come from them.

Getting through the turmoil then and now could never be possible without God. No way I could have done it all myself. To get through something and gain understanding for it on a deeper level was all with His help, sometimes carrying me when my flesh couldnt do it. God is love, He is the root of it all so therefore LOVE is the root of it all. To walk in that truth today is the most liberating and fulfilling feeling ever. You had to go through my grief to know exactly how i felt, and to feel that Godly love you have to grow through the process also. He is in you, so starting with falling in love with yourself will bring you closer to understanding His love and make you love your life and everything that was predetermined with it.

On this day, I woke up honoring LOVE. The people around me, myself, and my life. The energy, the idea, the action of love. SO GOOD!!!!!!!! It brought me out of a place I never saw myself getting past, it has no limits and is given freely to you should you choose to accept it. Make the choice to understand it in its most purest form. I prayed for everyone reading this newsletter because I believe I’m so intentional with it that it was no accident for YOU to read through it. HAPPY LOVE DAY

With infinite love,

Molly